On memories that seem to fade away

I am scared that the day would come and I will lose the wonderful memories I have made for the past 21 years of my life. Painful memories that made me want to kill myself, that made me want to vut myself off from this world. Memories that made me feel alive. Memories that made me feel loved. Memories that made me believe in the existence of a God. Memories that made me sing and dance like a fool in the presence of this very God. Memories that made me realize how God has always been present in my life.

For some reason, I feel that, slowly, those memories are starting to fade away. That, slowly, memories of those few "God Moments" I have had are fading away. I am scared.

I am scared that when I wake up one day, I will be starting to doubt the things that I believe in. To doubt the very things that keep me whole. That keep me from killing myself. That hold my insane self together.

I pray that that day never comes. My life right now is not perfect. My life is nothing but ordinary.

But I have God.

I have all I ever need.